Why You Should Be Coaching Your Kids
Parents can nag their kids. They can even yell and scream at them. In the past, it might have worked and the children would have done what they wanted and learn a lesson from it, too.
This doesn’t work anymore. The children will rebel. What are you to do when your children are not living up to their potential, or if they are not achieving their goals?
Have you considered coaching them?
Life coach Sharmini Hensen believes that there are benefits to coaching your own children. She says all children can be coached from the time they can communicate and understand, and she believes that parents are the ones who should do the coaching.
It is a great way to empower your children to take ownership of their goals and training them to think creatively and develop problem-solving skills.
Change your mindset
Hensen, who has worked as a life coach with women, children and corporations for the past six years, says that all parents have the capability to coach their children, even if you think you lack the patience.
“It’s just a mindset. It’s about deciding and believing that you’re not here to tell your children what’s best for them, and instead, you are here to empower them to be the best that they can be so that they can make the best decisions for themselves. The old school of thought is that as the parent, I’ve got to tell you what to do, you’ve got to do as I say, when I say and how I say.
“With the current generation this won’t work. The only way to help them achieve their goals is to empower them. You have to trust that God created them as amazing beings and did not shortchange them with possibilities and resources within themselves. Our job as parents is to make sure that that perfection expands into their lives,” she says.
Be their coach
She admonishes parents who say they don’t have time or are too stressed to coach their own kids.
“It’s a cop out. Everyone blames everything on stress. You know what? If you can’t do it, then your kids can’t do it. It’s plain and simple. If you can’t manage a balanced lifestyle and you’re not achieving your goals at work, don’t expect your children to be outstanding and amazing achievers,” says Hensen.
She doesn’t encourage parents to outsource coaching.
“They’re our kids. We have to learn to be the kind of parents that we want our kids to have. That is our biggest and greatest effort. Our kids are our legacy; they are our assets.
“If we don’t invest in our legacy, there’s no point having all the material things in our life. They don’t mean anything.
“You can leave your children with other people for a short period of time as an interruption, maybe, but at the end of the day, they will come back to you because you are the nurturing one in their lives,” says Hensen.
How to go about coaching your child:
1) Sit down with your child to decide the goals he/she wants to set.
2) Ask your child how they intend to achieve these goals (for example, if their goal is to get 10 A’s, how they plan to work towards that; or if they want to be good at baking, how they plan to learn and improve their baking).
3) Ask your child to set a time frame – by when do they want to achieve this?
4) If your child is reluctant to set goals and decide on the time frame and plan of action, keep massaging the idea until they do. However, be careful not to nag and push them into doing what you want.
5) Periodically, monitor your child’s progress.
6) If they are on track, encourage them.
7) If they don’t seem to be on track, sit down with them and reassess. Could the goal be too unrealistic and unachievable? Could the time frame be too short? Could the method to achieve the goal be unsuitable for them?
The original goals, time frame and method are not set in stone; your child can change them as he/she goes along (with your guidance). This should not be confused with a child trying to shirk their commitment.
by Brigitte Rozario.